I can't hold on to you, even if I want to
by simpl-plan
Summary: Sana juggles her love life, friendships and the revenge of the mother. Will she be able to stand the pressure?
1. Chapter 1

I can't hold on to you, even if I want to

Author's Note: I've only read the 4th book for Kodocha, and only know briefly about what happens at the end, so if I change anything, please bear with me. This is my first fanfic, so please bear with me here again. Anyways, it's going to be a S&A fic, so please R&R so I can make improvements later!

Disclaimer: I do not own Kodocha or any of the extra characters mentioned.

Chapter 1

Sana woke up to a bright morning, not knowing what it would bring later.

At school

"Sana!" called out Aya.

"Hi! Am I late?" Sana asked checking her watch.

"You put your watch on upside down," said a familiar voice from behind Sana.

"Really?!?" asked Sana checking it again.

"Stupid," said the familiar voice in a mocking tone.

"AKITO!!!" cried Sana whacking Akito on the head with the mallet. Akito started heading over to his seat rubbing his head.

"Why is he always so mean to me!" said Sana in a pout.

"Just ignore him! You know that," said Fuka.

"Yeah, I guess," said Sana.

"Class! Please sit down!" called their homeroom teacher, as everyone took their seats. "Now, today we are going to be starting a new topic. You will be in partners and be presenting a speech & presentation about anything you like!"

A general murmur started spreading around the students.

"Do we get to choose our partners?" asked a random guy.

"Uh,, let me think. Yes! Let's make it that you can pick who you wish to go with for a change!"

"Hey, Sana? Do you wanna go together? I think Tsuyoshi's gonna ask Aya," said Fuka to Sana.

"Uh sur-" Sana started to reply, until the teacher called Sana up.

"Kurata-san, can I see you please?" the teacher called.

"Yes, sensei. Hey, Fuka I'll talk to you later 'k?" said Sana as she headed up to the teacher's desk.

"The principal would like to see you," said the teacher.

"Oh, ok," said Sana as she grabbed her bag and headed down the corridor, down the steps and past the office and into the principal's office.

Principal's Office

"Good morning," said Sana.

"Good morning Kurata-san. Please take a seat," said the Principal. "There is some very unfortunate news, I'm afraid. I'm sorry to be saying this but..." The principal paused.

Sana's thoughts started racing through her head. _What happened? Did something happen to Mama? Or Rei-kun?_

"Your mother has been murdered," said the principal in a quiet voice.

Sana's mind went blank. _What did he say? Mama? She's... ... ... dead?_

"Your manager is in hospital, he's unconscious but will probably be fine," said the principal.

_Rei-kun? Mama? What?_

Tears started racing down uncontrollably down Sana's face. Would she know that those tears would be one of her last, that carried all her inner emotions with her.

"Kurata-san? The police would like to talk to you, um, would you like someone to accompany you?" said the Principal quietly trying to soothe Sana.

Sana nodded. Just then the door opened and Fuka came into the door.

"Sana! Oh, Sana!" Fuka said as she hugged Sana. "It's going to be ok."

_I will revenge, I will revenge, I will revenge_

Police Station

"Kurata-san? Do you know if your mother had any connection with the Black Armed gang?" asked the policewoman in a quiet voice.

Sana still had tears streaming down her eyes, with Fuka's arm around her shoulders for support.

Sana shook her head as more silent tears streamed out of her eyes.

The policewoman sighed.

"My name is Yuriko Misami. I'm here to help you try to find out who killed your mother," she said.

Sana nodded.

"Your mother was killed during her weekly sauna visit. It seems like someone put in a deadly poison injection into her while she was relaxing. Your manager, Sagami-san was attacked outside roundabout the time your mother was attacked." Yuriko said.

Tears flowed down Sana's already wet face.

Yuriko sighed. "Kurata-san. Do you wish to go home?" she asked.

Finally Sana spoke.

"I wish to track down my mother's killer," Sana spoke in a whisper.

At home

_Maybe I should have asked for Fuka to stay. No, I would just make her more uncomfortable. But I will get him. The person who killed Mama. The person who killed my emotions, the person who killed part of me._

1 month later

Sana was at a new ice-cream commercial shoot. After she finished, Rei-kun was outside waiting for her.

"Hi Rei-kun!" said Sana happily.

"Sana, I have to go urgently to my mother's. Do you mind if I drop you off at home first?" Rei-kun asked.

"That's fine with me, I need to start my new presentation anyways," said Sana applying a fresh coat of lip-gloss.

As the car approached in front of Sana's house, she walked over to the rubbish bin and chucked her lip-gloss into the bin.

_Who needs lip-gloss? No, I have to focus. I have to show Rei-kun that I am fine. I will not let Rei-kun down as well!_

Sana decided she would go for a quick walk around the block. She headed off and turned around the corner to see Akito come out of his house.

"Sana?" said Akito.

"I'm fine, don't ask" Sana said coldly as she walked past Akito.

Akito grabbed her arm. "What's wrong with you?" he asked.

"Hayama, let go of me," said Sana as she shook off Akito's arm. "And don't touch me again." she said as she headed down the road with Akito staring blankly at her.

Flashback: Sana: 3 weeks ago

"Oh my god? DId you hear? Akito-kun is going out with Fuka-chan!" Sana heard the annoying "gossip" girls at it again. Usually she would ignore them but today it suddenly sparked her attention.

"They were both flirting with each other! I heard that Fuka-chan asked him out and he said yes!!!" The girls giggled.

"I've heard they started going out from last week! Don't you think they are so cute!!!" giggled the girls as they saw Akito and Fuka come around the corner.

Sana had heard enough. She grabbed her bag and sprinted past the couple and ran the way home with tears flowing down her face.

End of flashback: Sana

_Akito will never know. My true feelings. I will hide them. I will hide myself from the world behind my 'happy' personality. I will hide myself until I discover my mother's killer._

Author's Note: Please R&R!!! So I can carry on writing


	2. Chapter 2

I can't hold on to you, even if I want to

Disclaimer: I do not own Kodocha

Chapter 2

At home

"Sana!!! It's 7.00!!!! Wake up!!! Hayaku!!!!!!" Rei-kun called from downstairs

"Huh? What?" Sana woke up still half sleeping. She headed downstairs and saw Rei-kun in the kitchen and breakfast on the table.

"Ohayo Rei-kun! Thank you!" said Sana as she started eating.

"Sana, did you forget? Today you said you needed to go to school early!" said Rei-kun.

"Oh my god!!! Arghhh! I forgot! Rei-kun, I have to get ready" shouted Sana as she rushed upstairs again, a piece of toast in her mouth.

School

Sana entered the school building and saw Fuka, Aya and Tsuyoshi. _There's no need to be angry at Fuka. She's done nothing wrong._

"Morning guys!" she said.

"Hey Sana! We have to start on our presentation!" said Fuka.

"Oh, yeah! I forgot!" said Sana.

"Why don't you come over after school and we can get started on it?" said Fuka.

"Yeah! Good idea," said Sana as the bell rang.

The foursome headed to their class. Sana took her seat in front of Akito.

"San-" Akito started.

Sana ignored Akito and got out her books ready for class.

Akito was going to try again but as the teacher started to call the roll he decided to give up.

Lunchtime

Fuka, Aya and Tsuyoshi had all gone to this new 'broadcasting' club meeting. Sana decided to eat her lunch peacefully under one of the big trees in the school garden. Usually people came her alone, sometimes in twos to give themselves some thinking space. Somehow, today she didn't feel like eating so she just got out her script for this afternoon's radio broadcast. After a while, she saw that someone was looking at her. She looked up and saw a tall boy with blond hair heading towards her. She put her script in her bag, getting ready to leave when Akito caught her by her wrist.

"Sana," he started

"What do you want," she said in an emotionless voice. Akito was surprised at the tone of her voice.

"I want to talk," he said.

"Fine, talk," Sana said sitting back down.

Akito sat beside her then Sana put her bag between her bag between them.

"What's wrong with you these days?" he asked.

"Why do you care?" she asked.

Akito stared. "Because-"

"Why don't you go and care about Fuka? I don't think I should be part of your life right now, probably not in the near future either," said Sana.

"But Sana-" he started

"Tell me, is it true you're going out with Fuka? Tell me the truth, or I'll never trust you again," she said staring into his eyes.

Akito sighed. "Yes" he said.

"That's all I needed," she said. "Hayama Akito, listen to me. I want to remain a distant memory to you. Right now, I don't want to become anything to you, not even friends. So, don't make me part of your life now, or in the future. I don't want to see you again." she said.

"Sana, you have to listen to me. It's not how you think it is," he said.

Sana suddenly stood up and swung her bag over her shoulder. She looked at Akito one last time and when she felt tears brimming up to her eyes, she turned around and started walking away.

Akito suddenly saw a shine of gold and saw it fall to the ground. He knelt down and picked it up. He called Sana's name, but she was already gone. Akito felt as a part of his life had melted away.

After school

ring ring

"Hello? Sana picked up the phone.

"Is this Kurata Sana?" asked the voice at the end.

"Yes, who's this?" she asked.

"Sana-san this is Yuriko Misami," she said. Sana gulped.

"Your manager has been attacked again. He is currently in the hospital," she said.

_No, no, Rei-kun? _

Sana started kneeling down on her chair in the classroom. She was waiting for Fuka who went to the bathroom, and there was noone else, she thought.

She could feel the familiar tears coming to her eyes again. _Why is this happening to me?_ She let the tears flow silently.

Sana heard someone walk into the classroom. She started wiping her eyes and then saw those deep brown eyes that she had fallen in love with.

"Sana? Are you okay?" he asked. His voice just melted into her.

_I have to stand strong. I promised to forget about him._

Sana stood up and took her bag. "Uh, I have to go," she said.

Akito grabbed Sana's hand and pulled her into an embrace.

_I can't let him get to me. I can't......_

Sana suddenly pushed Akito away, grabbed her bag and ran out the door. She surprised herself when she realised that she didn't have any tears flowing down her face. _Finally, _she thought, _my emotions are starting to harden._

Akito was left, rejected again. He pulled out the golden locket out of his pocket and opened it, but shutting it quickly afterwards.

Hospital

"Kurata-san, your manager is in a critical condition. He will have to stay at the hospital for a while," said the doctor.

Sana nodded slowly.

"Kurata-san," a familiar voice rang through her ears. Sana turned around to find Yuriko.

"Your manager's parents are inside. Do you want to see them?" asked Yuriko.

"No. They might feel uncomfortable right now," said Sana.

Yuriko nodded as she understood. "Then would you like to go get something to eat? I'll drop you off at your house," she said.

Sana nodded again.

Fast food shop

"Kurata-san," Yuriko started.

"Please, call me Sana," said Sana as she took her seat.

"Sana-san. I am not an ordinary policewoman. I am part of a secret organisation. I used to know your mother well," said Yuriko.

Sana looked up in amazement.

"Your mother had already known that something like this would happen. She wanted me to help you get through her death," she said.

"Yuriko-san," Sana started.

"Yes?" said Yuriko.

"I want you to help me."

Yuriko looked up.

"I want you to help me revenge my mother." said Sana.

Author's Note: I own Yuriko Misami. Read & Review!


End file.
